life in the fast lane

This has been a really hard weekend to say the least. Not only because we have had to juggle the crazy holiday weekend but Gatlyn has been recovering from his big surgery. I have been in just a kind of daze this weekend. I have had a lot of fun but, also in the back of my head I has these negative thoughts brewing. I am exhausted and tired. Emotionally and physically. I feel like the last week has been a blur, like I have been walking around with my eyes half open. With seeing so much family we got a lot of questions about Gatlyn and how we are doing. It was frustrating only in the fact that I could just say he is doing ok. I couldn't say he was doing good, great or wonderful. Because he simply is not. Hopefully we are on the other side of the after affects of surgery. But as soon as I think we are, we aren't... 

I would do this a hundred times over if I could. 

I struggle right now to go up and see him, because it is just frustrating. I want him to get better, like NOW. I don't need anybody to tell me it will come with time. I am sick of waiting-I am sick of running to GR(well driving) everyday-he should be at home with us. He should have had his first Christmas at home with us. I won't say it's not fair, because life is never fair (right mom?). It SUCKS! These are the cards we were dealt and we gotta play 'em. 

So what is exactly going on with him you ask? Well, it is now 5 days post op and things are just possibly turning the corner. Although I haven't called to see how he is tonight. He got put on a Jet Vent. Which means more pressure do to the fact his lungs aren't expanding well. He keeps jumping up and down on his settings(how much pressure, oxygen, etc). Then he had a blood culture drawn due to his belly being red-they wanted to get on top of it to make sure it wasn't an infection, so they started antibiotics. Thank the Big Guy upstairs nothing has grown yet... So we continue to wait for him to heal from this surgery so we can start the journey of possibly going home at some point. It will be a long road that is for sure. 

On a way brighter note-Christmas was a lot of fun for our girls. I cannot believe how much stuff they received. Needless to say I gotta take some toys out to bring some in. I started working on that tonight. Jess wants me to save them for a garage sale and put them in the garage. I don't wanna deal with them anymore. I am sure he will win that battle. 

I received a great pair of earring from jess. It was a thoughtful gift and I love them! It makes it way more special when you can tell they really thought it through, am I right? 

Santa got the girls a dollhouse and a shovel. (Yes, I will need help shoveling if it snows.) Then we got Andi Connect 4 and Rae got a toy piggy bank that counts. We don't do a lot of gifts. That isn't what it is about and plus there, Grandma's do a great job at spoiling them rotten. Gatlyn will be getting a new car seat for Christmas:) Jess doesn't really thing the brown with polka dots will be boyish enough for the lil fella. 

I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas:)

I picked this little diddy out b/c I'm not sorry about being upset. haha