Saturday, December 31, 2011


I am super excited about my sisters joining Twenty Something Mama's! I only hope that the awesome relationship we have translate on here! We are so different which will make this great! 

I just wanted to give an update on Gatlyn. He was supposed to start feedings yesterday...but of course didn't:( But the surgeon seen him this morning and said surgically he is ready!!! Which is great-because oddly enough he wasn't yesterday. So, now it is up to the doctors. Respitory wise he is getting a little better each day. He has so much excess fluid that it puts too much pressure on his little lungs. But they have been getting a lot of mucus out them, which is good! He is an amazing little creature that Gatlyn. I am amazed by the work God has done already with him.

I was talking with J(Jamie) the other day on our way back from seeing Gatlyn. And as I was talking to her I couldn't believe everything that has happened with us. I seriously have had had like rose colored glasses on this whole time. I am going to credit that to my faith in the Big Guy. I have realized everything that we have went through has been serious but, always just like "Alright, how do we fix it? What's the next step?" Then yesterday while I was walking up I chatted with a woman who was on her way to the NICU.  I asked how she was doing and how long she had been there. She replied 33 days. Then she asked me how long we had been there. I had to stop and think...I didn't even know how many days. (is that good or bad?) I just said well he has been here since birth and he will be 3 months on the 9th. She was like, "Oh my 3 months? Why? When he was born?" I preceded to tell her. After I told her she had NEC. She looked at me with big eyes, "did he survive? well obviously he did but is he ok?"

When she asked did he survive I like mentally stopped. And since that I cannot stop thinking about how I have ALMOST/thought I lost my baby boy at least 3 different times. How for 8 weeks I was constantly thinking please just keep him in there. And when they would put the monitor on me thinking, "Please let there be a heartbeat." And that folks has put me in a weird state of mind. I don't think it is a bad state of mind. But, I just am realizing that I am lucky to have my faith that has kept me so focused on the end result. 

Stay in bed and you will get to have your baby boy, maybe. He has NEC, what do we do to fix it? Surgery, how serious is it? Will he make it through? What do we do after surgery? Another PICC line go bad? What is the next step so he doesn't have to be poked daily? Broviac? Bring it on. Another Surgery? Will it take as long to recover as last time? When will we be able to hold him again? 

I can't wait until I get to hold him again. Seeing your baby you were holding last week just lay there and look at you with those eyes. It makes me tear up, because as a mom all I wanna do is hold him. Let him know that I would do it for him if I could. I would take his pain away. I want to keep his pacifier in when he needs it. Clean his mouth off when it gets nasty and wet his lips when they get dry and he can't. 

I know any mother would feel the same way. I just can't wait for the day when I get to hold him again and then I will feel like I have my baby back.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Times a changin

We will be makin some changes to the blog. Notice how I said we? I am excited to share that this blog is going to be 20somethin mamas! Yes sir, big sis and baby sis are joining the blog.

We will still be doing some individual posts and them some together. Ian really excited!! You will get 3 different honest opinions more times a week! I lam excited and you should get excited too! We will be working on changing the look of the blog for the next week. Get ready to take this blog to a new level!!

Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

life in the fast lane

This has been a really hard weekend to say the least. Not only because we have had to juggle the crazy holiday weekend but Gatlyn has been recovering from his big surgery. I have been in just a kind of daze this weekend. I have had a lot of fun but, also in the back of my head I has these negative thoughts brewing. I am exhausted and tired. Emotionally and physically. I feel like the last week has been a blur, like I have been walking around with my eyes half open. With seeing so much family we got a lot of questions about Gatlyn and how we are doing. It was frustrating only in the fact that I could just say he is doing ok. I couldn't say he was doing good, great or wonderful. Because he simply is not. Hopefully we are on the other side of the after affects of surgery. But as soon as I think we are, we aren't... 

I would do this a hundred times over if I could. 

I struggle right now to go up and see him, because it is just frustrating. I want him to get better, like NOW. I don't need anybody to tell me it will come with time. I am sick of waiting-I am sick of running to GR(well driving) everyday-he should be at home with us. He should have had his first Christmas at home with us. I won't say it's not fair, because life is never fair (right mom?). It SUCKS! These are the cards we were dealt and we gotta play 'em. 

So what is exactly going on with him you ask? Well, it is now 5 days post op and things are just possibly turning the corner. Although I haven't called to see how he is tonight. He got put on a Jet Vent. Which means more pressure do to the fact his lungs aren't expanding well. He keeps jumping up and down on his settings(how much pressure, oxygen, etc). Then he had a blood culture drawn due to his belly being red-they wanted to get on top of it to make sure it wasn't an infection, so they started antibiotics. Thank the Big Guy upstairs nothing has grown yet... So we continue to wait for him to heal from this surgery so we can start the journey of possibly going home at some point. It will be a long road that is for sure. 

On a way brighter note-Christmas was a lot of fun for our girls. I cannot believe how much stuff they received. Needless to say I gotta take some toys out to bring some in. I started working on that tonight. Jess wants me to save them for a garage sale and put them in the garage. I don't wanna deal with them anymore. I am sure he will win that battle. 

I received a great pair of earring from jess. It was a thoughtful gift and I love them! It makes it way more special when you can tell they really thought it through, am I right? 

Santa got the girls a dollhouse and a shovel. (Yes, I will need help shoveling if it snows.) Then we got Andi Connect 4 and Rae got a toy piggy bank that counts. We don't do a lot of gifts. That isn't what it is about and plus there, Grandma's do a great job at spoiling them rotten. Gatlyn will be getting a new car seat for Christmas:) Jess doesn't really thing the brown with polka dots will be boyish enough for the lil fella. 

I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas:)

I picked this little diddy out b/c I'm not sorry about being upset. haha

Thursday, December 22, 2011

big day

Today was the big day for surgery for out baby boy:) He did a great job.
The whole time he was away from us was about 3.5 hours. It amazes me more each day what they can do for just a 5 pound baby. They took down his ostomy and reconnected his small intestines. They also took his appendix out, they said they are a pain anyway. The had to cut them to make sure his small intestine wouldn't leak. So then they just took it all out. I am so thankful that we have now made it passed this nastiness of NEC. Now in 5-7days they will start feedings again. It will for sure be a slow road and I am going to need to be very, very, very patient and I feel like these are going to be the hardest. 
Personally it is getting harder now that this weekend is Christmas. It just sucks that he will be in the hospital instead of home with us. So needless to say I will be later to everything more than usual because I am struggling with wanting to be with Gat and the girls and so on. 

Jess and I were driving today and he said, "you are kinda like a time bomb.."
I was like, "ok..."
"You're gonna fly off the handle or just have a emotional break down."

I guess that explains it. 

Also I am excited about some changes that are going to be happening on my blog! I can't wait to share soon!

do the best you can, 
where you are, 
with what you have, 

Monday, December 19, 2011

being humbled.

Although every thing with Gatlyn seems to be doing great we are still consistently struggling. It is great that he is not sick anymore, but, we still don't have him at home. He is actually going to surgery on Thursday to reconnect his small intestines. It is amazing how God is still teaching me even though I feel like everything is going ok. And last night on my drive in to see Cowboy I just kept thinking of the word humbled. 

I have been humbled more and more each day.
Because as Jo said in her prayer the other day, "I can't do this on my own." 
I can't do this without God, Jess, Mom, Cathy, Dad, Ladean, supportive sisters (in laws and blood), great family & church family and wonderful friends.
Not only is it me needing help and having to ask for it. But it is accepting help in any way, shape, or form. I sometimes let my pride get in the way of letting people help us. We do need help sometimes and I am finally getting to the point where I can ask or at least accept it. 
This also translate in different ways.
Be a humble receiver of gifts, award winner, person of honor. When somebody gives you something; award, honor, gift you don't scream and shout how you wanted it all along. Of course secretly we all want 1st place or a certain Christmas gift. But, its not right to throw your hands up and throw it in everybody else's faces. Am I right? Do you get what I am saying?

This Christmas I hope that you can be humble. Don't expect a certain gift or anything. Be grateful for what you have and get. Be a modest receiver. Doesn't it feel better when you give somebody a gift and they are surprised, touched or speechless. 

I hope this messages find you all well, healthy, and ready for a crazy weekend:)

-a3Peace & Love-

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

the tears don't roll anymore

The topic has of complaining has been on my mind a lot lately. I am really nervous about writing about it though. I mean I don't want anyone to get offended, so don't, ok, disclaimer done!haha
Pretty sure complaining has been on my mind because I find myself doing it. I don't want to, I have NOTHING to complain about. No matter how much I want to. . . I refuse and I won't! Life is too short to be unhappy all the time. I don't want to feel blah or wishing something was better than it is. I gotta live in the moment. I think in all reality though that is just hard to hear people complain about their life. Wishing something was different whether it be a job, husband, kids, just life. Once that wish was granted we would find something else to complain about. . .right? 
Example: Jess and I chose to have 3 children. Do we really have the right to complain about being a mom or dad. For real though, we chose it. So on those sleepless nights...yes we still have those and our kids at home are 3.5 and 1.5...we have to remember those will eventually end. So just be happy that you have kids to get up with, not everyone is able. Be happy that you get to be their comfort and that they want you. It is hard to remember that. And more for me now than ever, do I remember this. Not being able to be their comfort each night was tough. So, if one night Jo just can't sleep great in her room and she comes sneaking into my room-I will slide over and get woke up a million times from an elbow in my side, head, face. Or if Rae can't find her pacifier or blankie has fell out of bed, off I go(not always awake).
And, when I chose to be a mom I GET the joy of taking the kids to the grocery store! 
Is it easy? Not always. 
Is it fun? Barely(I don't like grocery shopping anyway). 
But, I don't want to waste the family time at night, so I go during the day, kids and all. Although this takes special planning around nap times, eating, etc. And I find it is easier as they get older. But, I have been the lady in the store with a screaming child. Yes, I left a full cart of groceries at the front and hauled a 2 year old under my arm and carseat hanging off the other. Then I get to the car and cry all the way home on the phone to Jess. This is motherhood. . . am I right? Can I get a amen!?! haha. Do you have any great grocery store stories? I would love to hear it! Makes me feel a little better. 

I guess this post has been on my mind for awhile. I feel like right now, at this point in my life, I could be miserable. Or I can turn it around not get totally freaked out our car is done for. That I will be car-less while Jess is at work and that means later nights for us to go see G-baby. Or our Envoy get 15 miles to the gallon and Jess has to drive to work and then we have to go to see Gat each night. Because, honestly last week when Jess's work car died. I was FLIPPING out! Heaven for bid one more thing happen. I tried to cry but couldn't it was just like I can't cry anymore, the tears wouldn't come. I was just like, "God help us out here, I'm spent physically, emotionally, and need help! We need you! How are we going to do it!? We can't buy a car right now, what if something happens to Gatlyn? Jess can't get there fast enough from Kalamazoo(where he is working right now)." 
I panicked. I freaked. I went into overdrive. All for about 10 minutes. Then I just put my hands up and gave it to the Big Guy. Yah I am still upset we have to buy another car eventually. But, that car has nothing but good to us! Then Jess got to work overtime. He is working more which couldn't have worked at a better time. I mean seriously, God's plans are so meticulously planned out. He is watching out for us daily, by the hour, by the minutes, by the second. He knows and there is where I end that. 

The End. 
Getting it out there makes me feel better. Hopefully at least one person has felt this way and can understand where I am coming from. Then I rest easy knowing I have done what I wanna do!

Gatlyn is doing AWESOME! He got his broviac put in on Tuesday and did really well. A broviac is a central line right into a main vessel and is tunneled under the skin to prevent infection. It should last a couple months or more...hopefully! prayer for that please!?? Thursday, the 22nd (o wow...I really need to get my Christmas shopping done!) he will be having his reconnection surgery! He only had to wait 6 weeks and 1 day. All the glory to God for it being that quick! He is wearing clothes now and weighing in at about 5 pounds! Big boy...I know!

This is the perfect quote for this post! 

"Do not spoil what you have by
desiring what you have not;
remember that what you have
now was once among the things
you only hoped for." 
-Greek philosopher, Epicurus

Monday, December 12, 2011

13. CAA

I want to give you a little/big update on how are Christmas Advent Adventure is going!
We have had a lot of fun doing it!
Where did we leave off? I think I only blogged about the first couple days. Scratch that just looked back and I only blogged about the first day!haha
So since then we have:
23: Had a hot cocoa party.
22: Watched a Christmas movie and had popcorn
21: Got/Decorated our tree
20: Hang candy canes on the tree (btw. they are already gone!)
19: Wrote letters to Santa
18: Leave a sticky wishing someone a Merry Christmas (has to be done still)
17: Buy a gift and donate it (Will be done this week)
16: Listen to Christmas music (do this daily)
15: Leave a treat for the mailman
14: Take a "Mr. Patty to someone at church. Mr. Patties are York peppermint patties, they are Jo's favorite candy along with 3 Musketeers. Andi gave hers to Laurie and Rae was going to give hers to Danica but she wasn't there:( So I totally forgot to just give it to somebody else. It got smashed in my purse. . . and I ate it:(OOPS! Sorry Danica!)

Here are some pictures of our adventures and fun!
The guys were def. not stoked...I forced them. Jo on the other hand was pumped!

Happy Girl! 

Jess came home with butterscotch something or other. . . then he tried to be funny!haha. that's my cousin cole. 

Baby bro. Single and looking for a great girl who wants to be an auntie;) haha

I had no idea I married a comedian. . .he thought he was hilarious

family pic minus gatlyn. he was there in spirit for sure.

Jess working hard to decorate.

Rae letter....and she didn't want her picture taken.
I will post more pics on a different post. These are the only ones I have uploaded on my computer. 

Looks like fun, doesn't it!

I will be doing another post tonight or tomorrow to update you a little more! 
This little ditty made me chuckle! 

i tried

I tried to update my blog template on my own. 
You can see how that went!
My sister is going to save me!!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

15 minutes turned 30

Today my house was a disaster. I neglected to pick up/clean it all morning. I worked hard on our Christmas cards though:) Just waiting on a few addresses. And I will probably have to order a few more...I should have counted before hand. 

So I decided I was gonna need some assistance in cleaning. Since Jess for sure would be annoyed if I asked for his help when he got home. I had to get Andi on board. I would normally make her do her stuff anyway-it is just convincing her to pick up Rae's stuff too!haha. awful of me i know. Rae was in bed and that is probably the only way this worked. 

I set the timer for 15 minutes and told Andi we were going to clean as much as we could. Being the competitive person she, she HAD to beat me. I was like alright I like your attitude.
Here is the before picture. PLEASE don't judge. My hubby would be EMBARRASSED I was even showing these haha. 

These are after the 15 minutes were up!

After that I decided to go 15 more minutes and this is what I got:)

I was very impressed with how little time I could actually pick up in. I kinda felt like superwoman. So I think I am going to try to do a 15 minute clean up each day during nap time. To kinda get ready for rest of the day. 

Cowboy UP date:
Tonight I went to see Gatlyn and my grandparents came to meet him. He did so well:) But soon after they left his PICC line had to be pulled. It went bad again. This is the 3rd time this has happened. It is getting really old. . . poor guy is getting poked like crazy. He is also 2 weeks out from surgery:)

Never be anxious
about the next day
for the next day
will have it's own
Matthew 6:34

Monday, December 5, 2011


Hey hooo! I have been wanting to post for the last couple days. But, I am feeling un-inspired. When I blog, I do it for me. I like that people enjoy reading what I type. But, all in all I do it to get my feelings out there. It helps me feel better when I am bummin' and share with somebody when I am stoked.

In church on Sunday I had the urge to blog about being offended. How offenses come to us, why the do and with dealing, and letting go of them. This is the second time I have sat down and it still comes to my mind but I don't know what direction to go. I guess the way I feel about it is I just don't understand how I could function if I got hung up on everything. Especially now for me, I cannot get hung up on why everything is happening. I have to look at it from a positive stand point. I have my son, there is far worse that could have happened.

I feel like I am a pretty forgiving person. But, what if the other person doesn't forgive and forget? How can you not forgive somebody. I couldn't imagine just deciding that somebody hurt me therefore I will no longer care for them. If that makes any sense? Hard to imagine that. If I decided to let go of everyone that has troubled me(if that is a good way of putting it) in the past, I wouldn't have anybody left. Or if somebody does something a little different or something you don't like. Do you just shut them out? If they felt they need to go a different route. Do you tell them that's not right for them? How does somebody think they know somebody's calling? People, they just make life more difficult;) haha.

Anywho. . .

I am just so excited for you to see some of my pictures of my Gatlyn!

He just had his eyes dilated so we had to keep them covered.

My best friend meeting Gatlyn for the first time!

Christmas hat, trying to get a picture for Nanner's Christmas card:)

First time holding him in a month. Sweetest moment.

Also, I made it so anybody can comment on my blog now. So feel free to leave your comments on here if you prefer:) And so you can get my new posts sent to your email if you prefer as well. Thanks!

Read this little ditty on Pinterest today and thought it was beautiful.

"The greatest 
thing a father
can do for
his daughter
is love her mother"
-elaine s. dalton

Friday, December 2, 2011

bad to good in .5

It was a rocky start to my day from the time I was trying to get out of bed. To start off I was so dead tired this morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. Then, I just couldn't decide the order in which I should do my day. I didn't know if I should clean and then go shopping? Was I seeing Gatlyn today or was Jess? We didn't make a plan, I needed direction. Gosh, my house was/is so dirty! Why can't I keep it clean. Why didn't I clean the kitchen back up after dinner! I just want to sit and crochet. 

Yup, that is what went through my head the first 5 minutes I walked down the steps. So, I called Jess. Figured out that he forgot his pass, so I was gonna see Gatlyn when I went to GR. Then, I decided I would go get my stuff done in GR before Rae needed a nap. I would do stores first then see Cowboy. In hind sight maybe I should have done Gat first then stores. Oh well, now I am at home tired from a morning full of running.

I don't know if I was really in a bad mood this morning or just a little overwhelmed. I get to have my best friend's shower here tomorrow. It was totally my choice and I wanted to have it here. I am excited for it. But, like anything else life gets a little overwhelming sometimes. Anywho, I start of by going to Meijer, which was fairly uneventful. Spent a little more time and money than I wanted to. I did have to wait in line for not even kidding 20 minutes. Usually I wouldn't care but I had to have this timed perfectly. Especially if I wanted Rae to cooperate with me. So needless to say I had to open the box of Cheez-Its. PTL I caved in and let Jo put them in the cart. This is kinda where it started to get rocky. I walk out to the car and realize I didn't put air in my tire. Don't tell Jess, he would be mad! We are getting it fixed this weekend but it just needs pumped up like every other day, lol. So then I was like shoot! I will go to the Meijer gas station. 2 cars parked in front of the air (which you have to pay for, REDIC). I will try at a different one. Then I get out on the road and in the lane to go to Target. Now, pretty busy on 28th street lately. I drive by a gas station and I see air and am like SHOOOT! I am in the wrong lane. Luckily I am not REALLY low. I go to Target after getting to turn left finally on the 3rd green light. Meanwhile Jo is telling me she is nervous because this guy in the car next to us has been there awhile. I was like, "we are all waiting to go, don't be nervous. do you even know what that means?" she responded, haha 

In Target, I had no idea what to get the bf. I was just walking around aimlessly and had a few different things in the cart. Then I ended up going with the boring gift:( I know I was really bumming I couldn't get more creative. Meanwhile Rae kicked off one of her boots. I realize when I am 3rd lap around the store. So i kick it in to high gear and back tracked. Never found the cute tan boots with pom poms on them. Then for some reason Target put me in a bad mood. I left feeling extremely unhappy. I wanted the perfect gift and gosh darn it I LOVED that boot! Next we got food and headed off to see Gat Man. 

After getting in and up to see him, time stood still and I began to think of how thankful I am to have my kids! They are so amazing and kind hearted. To see the way they all smile when they are together. Gat was squirmy when we walked in, but, he just simmered down when we were talking to him. Melted my heart. I am so thankful for God, the nurses and doctors that watch over him everyday. It comforts me to know they care about him. Then when we were done seeing him we went to the lobby. There was a Christmas party for inpatients and their families. We were invited even though Gat couldn't go. So, I took the girls in for ice cream. I almost didn't because this house needs cleaned! I am so happy I did though. I began to think of how thankful I am that Gatlyn won't remember being in the hospital. How he won't remember being poked daily. Those other kids will/do. Seeing their faces just made my heart go out to them and there parents. I had to watch Jo get an IV 2 times and I hated it. I can't imagine seeing my child go through that daily. It humbled me. I know it is awful Gat is in there. But, he doesn't know any different. A lot of those kids do. I don't want anybody to think that I believe it is ok for Gat to be in there. I am just happy he won't remember it. 

Here are some pictures I hope warm your heart today.


Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Thursday, December 1, 2011

CAA 24days

This year our family is starting a new Christmas Advent Adventure. I am going to call it an adventure because each day is a new activity for us to do as a family. Unless you are like me and DO NOT want to wait until 5 o'clock to do the fun ones!haha

So the CAA is a cute little box filled with 24 cards with a task on it. My mother actually made them for Big Sister, Baby Sis's families as well. I am really excited, especially bc JoJo really will get into some of them! Probably for my sisters their girlies will not be doing some of the things but quality time with their hubs & prince is necessary as well:) Also, a bigger box of "supplies" to do some of the task was left at my doorstep as well.

We also do the Elf on the Shelf. So he will be making an appearance sometime this week. Maybe this year JoJo will actually get it;)

Anywho, I will be taking those of you who want to come on over Christmas Advent Adventure. Not daily but I will update when I get the chance. Today Rae got her tubes put in. We tried to let her help-needless to say she wasn't feeling it. She went to bed and then I finished hers with Jo. I didn't even get a picture of Rae bc she cried the whole time. Here are some pictures of JoJo though.

You can see that today was make a bird feeder and hang it out for the birds. And squirrels at our house:) So Jo and I got right to work after she came home from story hour. We cut up a paper towel roll and punched a whole in each section. We put tulle to tie them up with, because I didn't have any string. 
She was licking the PB off her fingers.

We then had to find the perfect places to hang them. Some where the squirrels could get them and some where they couldn't.  

Jo is so excited to see the birds eat off her bird feeders. We had to put some where we would be able to see out the windows. I am excited to see what 23 has to offer for some family bonding time. 

May CHRIST be your
Focus & Saviour
this holiday season.

Monday, November 28, 2011

life from 38 inches

JoJo's style is unique:) Brown tights(not leggings) a little belly shirt and sweater. bed head and brown make up.

I found tons of pics where she was just sitting in a chair snapping different shots. And no I didn't know she had the camera.

She was proud of the slickers she put on. 

With love from JoJo

COWBOY UPdate: Gatlyn is on CPAP. Which means he is not on a ventilator at all anymore:):):):):):):):):) God is good, GOD is GREAT!!!

NO ONE else will ever know
the STRENGTH of  my LOVE 
FOR YOU. After all, you're
THE ONLY ONE who knows what 
my HEART sounds like from the inside.