tired.

This post has been started a few times. I start it and read it back several times and I am not putting how I feel onto this "paper" very well. So this will be random thoughts that come into my head or. . . actually. . . yes I need to pray about this one-done. Ok, now for a restart.

Our pastor preached on battles today. Although the person behind me may have thought I was not paying attention, due to the fact my 2 adorable nieces were in church, I definitely was. He was talking about how everybody's battles are different. I was like ain't that the truth. So, I guess I am going to publicly put it out there. I am not dealing with this battle we are facing the best. It sucks, period. Te battle consists of me worrying (which I am usually a carefree person, so this is weird) and also I feel out of control (which I rarely am). But, the hardest thing in this battle-now typing this out maybe this is the real battle- is me admitting that I need help or am just struggling period. Me as in myself. I have not transitioned into being a full time mom again the best. It has been so tough. I tear up at the smallest of things and my patience are thin. People can say that I am doing great and am adjusting well-but-they aren't here daily. 

CURRENT BATTLE: Dealing with the fact that there is no perfect schedule, plan or way to handle what we are going through. I have been trying now for 21 days to figure out how to balance 2 cuties at home, 1 cowboy in the NICU, being a wife on top of it. That is just the relationship part. What about the cleaning, cooking part? (Just putting a disclaimer out there, I am typing from the heart I guess, I just feel I need to say these things) I pray daily sometimes hourly for my family to have peace and strength. I am missing something right now, I just don't know what. I will put it to prayer though. The big Guy will help me figure it out. 

COWBOY UPdate: (isn't that cute? cowboy up...date!?) Gatlyn has an infection in or around his intestines. We need as many people praying possible. This little cowboy is just whipped, he physically is just depleted. We need him to keep up the good work. I know God just has his hands all over this boy, how could he not? Such a fighter. I was asked if I thought Gatlyn was a miracle baby. And anyone else wondering- HANDS DOWN this cowboy is a miracle. If God didn't have the right people/things in the right place at the right time where would we be? I am so thankful to have the reassurance I do from my faith and trust in God. 

God is amazing.

Since my husband came down awhile go asking me to come to bed, I must go. But, whoever needed to hear that they are not alone in their battles, I hope it helped. You aren't alone, everybody has them, and give it to the Big Guy upstairs. 

HAVE YOU

PRAYED 

ABOUT IT

AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE

TALKED 

ABOUT IT?

grateful

Gatlyn is actually dong a million times better than a week ago. thanks for all the prayers. Throughout the weekend he had 2 blood cultures and 1 lumbar puncture and 4 different IVs. So to say the least the weekend and beginning of the week was tiring for the Cowboy. First blood culture was actually a false positive:) and the 2nd has had no growth in 48 hours(just keep praying it stays that way) and the lumbar puncture has came back negative so far as well. They started his feedings back up and as of last night he was keeping them down for the most part. He also got a new PICC line in yesterday and it is now in his lower leg. He has remained at 2 lbs 7 oz the last two nights:) First time he has ever been over his birth weight!! Exciting stuff!! I got to spend 2 hours with him last night and I had a long talk about him behaving, maybe just maybe he will listen. His gas levels also have been a lot better so they lowered his CPAP down to 5 pressure. (this weekend they took that up to a 6 b/c he was struggling.) That is all the updates as of now. I called to check on him at 11:30 and his nurse was on break. I will call later to see if they upped his feedings at all:) Thanks for the prayers. (Sorry for any of the Brodbeck family that just read the exact same post)

So, currently I just go and sit next to Gatlyn, last night I was up there for a couple hours and just read. Jess or myself go up each night to try and to his care time. His care times are every 3 hours so we make it to the 9pm one as much as we can. At 9 they change diaper, take temperature, weigh him, feed and clean him all up and tuck him in for the night. He likes to be on his belly, so they usually have him that way for awhile over night. Last night he was awake for the whole care time! Glad to have my Cowboy getting back to himself.

My big sister is coming up for the weekend so I am excited to get to love on my niece and also my baby sis will be in town as well. I will take lots of pics and share them next week:)

live SIMPLE 

Be GRATEFUL

Give LOVE

PRAY lots

and the rest will fall into place. . .

prayer works; FACT

Thank you for all the prayers for our little cowboy! He is doing better for the most part. Just needs to start eating again. I will here more later after the Doctors see him. But last night he had his eyes opened and his eyes were following the sounds like crazy. What an answer to prayer. GOD is so GOOD! I thanked him up and down last night for a positive night with Cowboy. It is exactly what I needed after this weekend.

On another note, the girls may be retaliating for me being in the hospital. Let's pray today goes better...

God is so big

he can cover

the whole world

with His love, 

and so small

He can

curl up inside

your heart.

jumping off this bus.

What bus am I jumping off you ask? I am jumping off the struggle bus.

Hmm...why am I even on the struggle bus? Let me explain.

Last week started off kind of rough. I just wanted to hold my little cowboy and for some reason it never worked out until Thursday. So after some tears I finally was able to hold him:) Happy mama!

Then, Thursday night I spent some alone time with JoJo. We went to watch one of her babysitters play volleyball. We also seen her other babysitter there, which meant pure heaven for the little lady. She asked a few too many questions about volleyball. I never thought she would get into that, lol. It was funny to listen to her talk about it.

Then Friday was an alright day, the girls and I met Jess at the hospital with Pizza Hut(YUM!!) and Raebug was going to meet Cowboy for the first time. Along with his Great Grandma Schrock. Raebug seen him for about .5 minutes, which was more than enough. Then both sets of Grandparents were there and like I said earlier Great Grandma Schrock. It was kinda hectic in the waiting room (you are only allowed 4 people in at a time to see him). Then Raebug went with my wonderful inlaws so we could stick around for care time. Where Gatlyn weighed 2 pounds 5 ounces and was up to 15mL at his feedings. 

Getting his belly measured. Look at his hair.

On our way to get groceries on Saturday I called to check in on the wee one. And received some unsettling news. Cowboy wasn't being the cowboy we all knew. He wasn't feisty at all and was just very lethargic looking. Which made his nurses and doctors worried. They took immediate action and started him on IV antibiotics because they suspected he may be getting an infection. They took blood cultures to check and see what was going on and stopped his feedings. He seem to perk up a little bit over the day and when we went to see him he opened his eyes for a minute. But wasn't really the cowboy we knew. As of this morning when I called the blood culture showed a type of infection that could be from his PICC line. But, on the flip side he was acting much more like the feisty little cowboy we know and love. So he is still on antibiotics and I am going to go spend an hour or two with him tonight because Jess isn't feeling the best:( So I just keep praying and remain faithful that God will take care of that little guy and give him strength. And hopefully soon I will be able to find that balance between the girls and wee man.

Just returned from a visit to the hospital and he is just plain pooped today. A lot of "procedures" (aka poking) made him exhausted. Pray BIG things for a little guy!

Here are some fun pictures from our night at the in laws while watching the State game.

Daddy Love

Cousins.

He is getting so big:) I can't believe it!

And a pic of Cowboy with his peepers open!

The longer you. 

wait for something,

the more you'll

appreciate it when 

you get it. 

Cause anything

worth having is, 

definitely 

worth waiting...

top tuesdays

10 things that made me smile, appreciate, laugh, think, and remind me of what's important in life.

>ONE<

I got to meet Stell Bell<3

FYI: day after I had Gatlyn...cut me some slack.

>TWO<

Pumpkin Fun!

>THREE<

This is a Peanut Butter Cheese Ball and great with Apples:) My mama made it for MOPS at our church and so I made one last night bc it was so good!

>FOUR<

isn't this true. never felt more at peace.

>FIVE<

These are 30 Minute Rolls & delicious:)

>SIX<

JoJo can now button her shirts, of course when she wants.

>SEVEN<

Jess got to hold Cowboy today-and of course-I forgot my camera:(

>EIGHT<

I came home last Tuesday and now have been home a week.

>NINE<

Got to go to church for the first time in awhile and I loved it. Just being around everyone made me happy.

>TEN<

This looks Delish! Nutella and greek yogurt.

LEARN TO

LET THINGS GO

THAT YOU 

CANNOT 

CONTROL

mama's cookin' again

Tonight's Menu was a quick decision. Being that hubster hasn't really had to cook anything for a month our fridge/freezer are lacking in a few areas. I took a look around the kitchen and seen potatoes and no protein. I knew potato soup was gonna be on the menu. Now I had to find a different recipe than I usually use. So of course where else to go than Pinterest. I needed a QUICK, baconless soup. (The recipe I usually use take like 4 hours. I had one hour.) After looking at a few different recipes I went with this one. It actually is a toddler soup. So would be great if your kids like potatoes and cheese:) Unfortunately my girls are not potato lovers. They opted for Mac N' Cheese. Hubster said that he would like his less pureed next time but loved the flavor and stuff. He put topped his with goldfish crackers. Which toddlers would love the fish in their soup! Then also I remembered seeing a 30 minute roll on Pinterest as well. So I looked that up and whipped up real quick. You can find the recipe here.

This meal literally took me a hour. That includes prep all the way to clean up and a 3 year old helper. Which for some reason always means more clean up. But, I want her to learn to cook and like being in the kitchen! Hope you try these out and enjoy them as much as Jess did.

Everything you say 

to your child is

absorbed 

catalogued 

and

remembered.

pumpkin palooza

Saturday was a great fall day for the Schrocks. We went and got pumpkins & donuts. Came home and carved our pumpkins, made seeds and then went to my parents. From there Nanner(my mom) watched the 3 oldest grand-babies so we could go see Gatlyn. Jess and I took Alexis and Owen with us. Here are some pictures of our day!

Picking them out. 

Falling a lot:)

Even Miss Graceful;)

found her perfect bumpy pumpkin

Daddy finally picked his out so we got all loaded up and went inside for donuts!

She got sick of this after a while.

fun with the guts!

 JoJo has a 3 faced pumpkin. What a creative (but semi strange) child we have!

Happy

Sad

Mad!

photo courtesy of JoJo

Perfection in the works

End Result:)

I was attempting to have it look like Top Gun...I know awful

My little cowboy:)

What a ham!

A FAMILY OF FIVE<3

 Life is too short to 

stress yourself with 

people who don't even

deserve to be an issue 

in you're life

-Anon

a big ol' thank you

I would like to put a big THANK YOU out there to everyone who has been praying, thinking, leaving wall posts, and helping us. Jess and I are overwhelmed by all the support. 

You guys are great! 

We are so THANKFUL for you.

this is how the story goes

Birth story of the little cowboy. (i need to figure out something fun to call Gatlyn so I will try some things out until I decide)

On Saturday (Oct. 8th) I began having contractions throughout the day. Honestly though I chalked it up to being really uncomfortable because he was in a WEIRD position. So I just was uncomfortable all day pretty much. Then around 12am on October 9th I began timing them and they were about 5 minutes apart.  Gave my nurse a jingle after 30 minutes of that. They were pretty hard contractions, but, the machine wasn't picking them up. Nurse called in resident and they checked to see if I was dilating and I was at a 1.  At this point I was like, "Geez o petes Mal you better suck it up." They gave me some tylenol and then I waited another hour and called out again and was like I am still having them. I was getting no sleep obviously. She called the resident again and I was already at a 3. From 12:30am until 2:30am I was trying to get ahold of Jess. He had his phone on vibrate and I couldn't get through to him. So when they told me I was going to be moved to the 3rd floor to have my c-section, I had to call my father in law to go wake Jess up. I don't even know what time Jess finally got on his way but I entered the OR at 3:31am. No Jess:(  They kept reassuring me that they would bring him in as soon as he got there and changed into his scrubs. Right before I went into the OR they couldn't find Gatlyn's heartbeat--so when we got into the OR they got me on a monitor and found his heartbeat(whew). So, then spinal block and then all the fun:)

I had an incision across my low

er abdomen and then an up and down on my uterus. Gatlyn cried a little bit when he came out and then they took him to the team of NICU specialists. So I got to see but not touch. Jess actually got their 5 minutes too late to see him. He was born at 3:51am and when Jess came in at 4 he was already gone to the NICU. Jess was bummed.

Then after they got me all stitched up I was in recovery by 4:30. Crazy how fast that went. It took them awhile to get Gatlyn settled in and then Jess went and seen him inbetween 8-9am. I couldn't quite make it there. I was pretty nauseous after so I couldn't make it to the wheel chair to get down there.

On Tuesday late afternoon I came home:) I was so excited, but, obviously not feeling up to par. Each day keeps getting better for me.

Gatlyn is doing really well for his size/age. He has never needed a ventilator (PTL) and just on a CPAP (basically just to give him a boost of air every once in awhile). He has a PIC line in (which is also a big deal). I will post updates as often as possible. But, it seems like things are just getting crazier each day!

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

top tuesdays.6

Obviously this past week was a little boring at first then got REAL exciting. 

1.

I really like this idea.

Ever say, "I will be for sure to pray for you."

and then you forget...this is why you need this:)

2. 

I got to go outside, which was great:)

3. 

JoJo got to go meet her newest cousin Stell bell in Chicago:)

4.

PRETTY CUTE OUTFIT

5.

HAHAHA POOR JESS!

6.

Think this will actually work...

7.

8.

My mother in law gave our house a fall makeover:) 

They are wonderful.

9.

Obviously Gatlyn Tobias Schrock's arrival is the best gift! He arrived October 9th @ 3:51am. This was also the day he was exactly 28 weeks. This was our first MAJOR goal we set. Gatlyn was probably saying, "There I am 28 weeks now, Watch out I'm coming out." Because I started having major contractions at 12am!

10.

Both Jess and I got to change a diaper today. I got lucky and didn't have to change the poopy one:) Jess was stoked to say the least about changing the poopy diaper. Kudos to him. 

Also, Gatlyn was started on breast milk today. He gets 3mL every 3 hours. 

AND. . . I got to meet Stell bell and see Ruth and of course the mommies came with:)

Update on Mama Schrock: Today was a busy day, ready to be home! Sad we can't take him home with us. But, feel like I have been hit by a train tonight. 

A person who truly loves 

you is someone who sees

the pain in your eyes while

everyone else still believes

in the smile on your face.

the grand entrance

Well, well, who would have thunk it. We have made it to 28 weeks.

Wondering what's so great about 28 weeks. . . let me enlighten you.

• Risk of severe mental retardation goes down dramatically
• Risk of cerebral palsy goes down dramatically
• His organs are much more developed
• Hearing shouldn't be an issue
• Eyesight issues are starting to go away:) 
• This makes a mama a little more at peace.

And the above was all above was part of my what I thought would be my "first third trimester post". Also I had a WHOLE lot more typed. But, here is a new fresh post. 

As you probably could tell if you are a facebook friend of mine, Gatlyn made his appearance into this crazy world. I will post the whole story later on. For now just a quick update because this mama is tired.

He has NO ventilator!!! huge deal for this little guy! He does have a CPAP (i believe that is what it is) which just helps him remember/know when to breath. Basically the same machine as people with sleep apnea have. He also has a feeding tube, IV in the foot and then an artery IV in the cord, and a pulse thingy on the other foot. He is actually doing great. He is on supplements that are easier for him to digest right now, they go in through the foot IV. Jess and I will be gaining lots of knowledge on Gate this next week. 

As for me, even though talking about Gatlyn is way better, I am feeling alright. Obviously not gonna be   running laps anytime soon. Currently just really tired and slow to move. But, I am pumping for lil' Gate and it seems to be going pretty well. 

I am also really excited that his first visitors are both sets of grandparents. He already is feeling the love that this family of ours has. 

A big shout out to the in laws for there "midnight" help and such. You guys are too good to us. We love you.

Comparison is the THIEF of Joy

friday fun

So today is Friday;

Semi-long week. Got to see Jess more, but, the girls less. Which turned out better than expected for me. But, those little ladies were missing us. (although i am sure it is mostly in my imagination.) 


Jess and I were laughing at how crazy our girlies are. Each time RaeBug comes I ask her to say different words just to see what else she can say. BTW, that little girl will try to say anything and it sounds about right too. They were off to go home for the first time for the girls since Tuesday morning. What a long week for them. Except I think they enjoy it more than I wish. haha. 


Andi was all excited because Daddy said she could stay up late with him. Boy, when I get out of here I am going to have to whip them all back into shape;)

Here are some pictures from our family night. Which included pizza, breadsticks, slushies & mac n' cheese.

CHEESIN'

seriously Raebug? JoJo doesn't stop dancing!haha

tired?

what is wrong with our children!?

EVERYTIME I pull the camera out that is what Raebug does. Playin with daddy!

they love their daddy

umm...posing?

When she doesn't get what she wants. haaha

Bad of me. but look at that little scruffy child!

Hop Scotchin'

BECAUSE WHEN YOU STOP AND LOOK AROUND, THIS LIFE IS PRETTY AMAZING<3

top tuesdays.5

hello. i only have 30 min to get this post put together and put it out there. we will see how this goes. i almost didn't even post tonight. i got my stuff together and am going to get it done, who doesn't wanna see the top 10 of my previous week? probably a lot of people... if this is you then stop reading;)

ONE:

Thank you to the Livermore family for such a thoughtful gift. You guys have been taking notes from this blog;) It made me tear up a little bit this morning. You guys have always been so good to my family. Love you! 

Now baby brother can keep my old Dumb and Dumberer forever, considering I haven't had it 3 years:) And loved Bridesmaids.

TWO:

Loving me some Sour Cream & Onion Pringles and good ol' Dr. P

THREE:

Still losing. . . he felt bad so he took off the oser on the end of Mal. What a kind hubster I have.

 FOUR:

My mother brought this awhile ago, I don't feel it has been properly introduced. This is my pumpkin packed with 6 bags of M&M's. AND---there is like 5 different kinds in it. NBD. I shall name him something. . . Gourd or Brutus or any other ideas?

FIVE:

CURRENT CROCHET PROJECTS.

ear warmer finished:)

Going to be a blanket. This will take awhile.

For Gatlyn:)

SIX:

Starting this week or next week on the girls Halloween costumes. Further pics to come:)

SEVEN:

I wanted canvas prints but this will do. WAY cheaper:)

EIGHT:

I must remember this.

NINE:

I have started a new little thing. Everyday at 11am I am going to shut my TV off and just sit and do my devotional(s), read my Bible, pray listen to WCSG, whatever need be for me to just get my mind right for the day. 

TEN:

I am also extra thankful for all of the little to big things people have done for us through this challenging time. We appreciate more than anyone knows. I hope someday we will be able to repay you all. Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers. 

SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA JUST TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM;)