Friday, April 20, 2012

My Hopes for Ruth and Rules for myself…

I think a lot. In the car to and from work, at work, in the shower, in bed, and I am sure many other places. Lately Ruthie, of course, has been on my mind a lot. I am always thinking I hope Ruthie does this or knows this and then that thought is usually followed by I hope I can do this or that for her. All of these thoughts run through my mind daily and new ones each time so I decided to journal them down. Well I would like to share my hopes for Ruthie and the rules I have set for myself, in hopes that you might think about what you want for your babies someday because yes, sadly, they will grow up someday.

1. I hope you have a sense of home.
My Rule: Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she can come to me: and I will welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to me to share her news: and I will embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for me: and I will find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit: I will be there to tell her. She is my daughter and will always need a safe harbor- where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile: I will be her be home.

2. I hope you are yourself.
My Rule: Let her put on my makeup.
When she wants to where my blue eye shadow, smudge my red lipstick across her face, wear my jewelry, or my shoes…let her in attempts to be like me…. then let her be herself.

3. I hope you make mistakes.
My Rule: Let her make mistakes.
Let her on the back of the motorcycle (okay maybe not), let her fall in love with the wrong boy, let her do what “she knows” is best. Remember I was her age once, and remember everyone makes mistakes, so let her make her own.

4. I hope you are confident
My Rule: Let her be confident in her own decisions
Whether she chooses to wear stripes, plaid, and polka dots in the same, or decides that a bathing suit and tutu (if whether permits) is a good choice for a trip to the store, let her. Let her decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

5. I hope you are independent.
My Rule: Be her example of a strong independent woman.
Encourage her to find out who she is and help her to realize that that is enough.

6. I hope you know that I will always be there.
My Rule: Be there, and give no excuses.
Be there for her school plays, sporting events, concerts, graduation. Be the first person she looks for in the crowd.

7. I hope you aren’t afraid to get dirty.
My Rule: Let her make messes once in a while.
Let her take water outside for mud pies and use glitter or paint. “The most wonderful memories are often the messy ones.”

8. I hope you understand the importance of family.
My Rule: Show her.
Require her to be at the family dinner table every night, go on yearly family vacations, make her go on spring break with me instead of 10 other senior girls/guys. She’ll thank me one day.

9. I hope you know how to love.
My Rule: Show her affection.
She will learn how to love from me. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

10. I hope you know you’re gorgeous.
My rule: Remind her she’s gorgeous.
Telling her she is beautiful on her first day of school, when she messy, her first prom, her wedding day. She will need the reminder every once in a while because sometimes the world is cruel.

11. I hope you “love” more then once.
My Rule: Hold back the disapproving words and the “I told you so”.
Let her “love” the “perfect” guy and be there when he breaks her heart. Teach her to learn from each of them and let her know when she finds the perfect one.

12. I hope you know how a man should treat you.
My Rule: Teach her about men.
She needs to understand that there are different types of men out there, and she deserves the best. Tell her to make a list of what she requires in a man and tell her not to settle.

13. I hope you have an imagination.
My Rule: Feed her imagination.
Make forts, talk to her imaginary friend with her, tell her the whole room is filled with hot lava and the furniture is the only safe place. Heck one day she will be in a 5 by 5 dorm room and it is going to take a lot of imagination to make that home.

14. I hope you know I mean best.
My Rule: Be her mom first, her friend last.
I am not her friend. Well at least not while she lives with me and is not married. We can be friends later. She’ll thank me then. Believe me, I thank my mom everyday and the world will thank me when there is one less rude and selfish person.

15. I hope you can sing and dance.
My Rule: If that talent exists there. Fuel it.
Okay this may be a selfish hope just because I wish I could do these things. But hey if she’s got the talent!!

16. I hope you understand the value of money.
My rule: Don’t just hand out money.
Teach her the money is to be earned, teach her how to save for something big, teach her how to budget.

17. I hope you know the power of silence
My Rule: Inform her of this secret come back.
Most of the time silence says more then words or fists.

18. I hope you demand respect and respect yourself.
My Rule: Don’t take $@!&
Role model to her that you don’t have to listen to or take things that bring her down, because she is worth way more. 

19. I hope you need me.
My Rule: Comfort her in any time of need.
So one day when she is at college and has a stressful week she says “I just want my mom”

20. I hope you are a good mother
My Rule: Be a good mother
It is more then likely that she will be a mother like me. Show and teach her the love a mother should give.

Some of the hopes/rules I was having a hard time putting into words so I used this mother’s blog that I found to help. She had done the same thing as me, just more detailed! My journal notes were not this detailed until now, I have to admit! Some of them she worded so perfectly I couldn’t think of any other way to say it more perfect and a few of her rules I agreed with and used. So some credit is to her as well.

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