Friday, December 28, 2012

Confessions of a Single Mama: Role Models

Its crazy to think that it has almost been a year since I became a single mama (it was in February, but close enough). 2012 was a rough/crazy/tough year to say the least, so 2013 is welcomed with HUGE open arms. As I think back to the events of last year I think about how I was feeling at that time and one word describes it all, struggling. 

I was struggling with being in an unhealthy environment and relationship and with that came the struggle of handling the pressure to remain in that relationship. What I mean by that is, I was struggling to find the courage to get myself & Ruthie out of that situation. I was struggling with the idea of what people would say about me and if they would believe me, I was struggling with the idea of what my family would think of me, I was struggling with the fact that Ruthie would not have a father 24/7, I was struggling with the fact that Ruthie would not have her biological family together ever again, I was struggling with my self esteem and self confidence, I was struggling with well..... I think you get the point.

As I look back now I ask myself, "How and where did I find the courage to get out?" I can honestly 100% say that I know if came from the male role model in my life, my Dad. Some people would question this and say it was probably the female role model in your life. While that most likely played a role too I think this is true; in a girl's life the female role model in their life teaches them what they should expect out of a man and the male role model teaches them what they deserve.

Growing up and still to this day, my Dad taught us girls how a man should treat a woman. Whether that may be his mom, his Grandma, his sister, his daughter, his girlfriend, or his wife. He did this in many ways but mainly by example. He treats my mother like a queen and his daughters like princesses and that is no exaggeration.

A male role model plays a larger role then just showing how a man should treat a woman but also just in general showing his daughters what makes a man, a man. My dad exemplifies that a man provides, protects, respects, supports, and is faithful to his family.

I am thankful for my Dad and the example he plays in my life. Because of him I was able to recognize that the situation I was in was wrong and was nothing what I deserved.

This large thought process, self reflection, or whatever you want to call it came to me when I was thinking about and talking to Jamie about why girls stay in abusive relationships? Why do girls stay with guys that don't treat them like they deserve? Like I said above I really think it stems from the lack of a positive male role model in their life. I know this may not be the case in all situations. 

I am glad that I found the courage to remove Ruth and I. Sometimes I think about what if I stayed and "toughed" it out so Ruthie could have her family? The same answer results every time; the cycle would have continued. Ruthie would have grown up thinking, that is a way a man should treat a woman and a woman is supposed to just deal with it, and so on with her children and their children.

I think a positive consistent male role model in a little girls life is so important. Whether that be a Dad, a Grandpa, a boyfriend, or an Uncle. I remember thinking at one point that Ruth & I would never need another man in our life again. But as you can see I am realizing we do and I am thankful that Ruth as two of those, Ba (my dad) & Maa (Matt). Men....can't live with em', can't live without em'. ;)

I hope this reached out not only to our female readers but also our male readers! :)

xoxo - Alexis

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