Monday, January 7, 2013

Babies and Friends

Growing up also means changing friends. Growing up while makin' babies makes that process a little trickier. 

In the meantime hold the babies tighter and step out of your comfort zone a little more. Or hang on to this blog. I am telling you it will get better. 

When I was 18, 3 months after I graduated I found out I was pregnant for Jo. 

At the time when I was pregnant my sisters weren't. We didn't have that in common yet. So it was even hard there. I went from being crazy, spontaneous, free Mal to a Mallorie that couldn't figure out where she belonged. Honestly, my mom is who I called to just talk. My mom helped me transition into adulthood by just treating me as a friend. She made me realize that this is what I want, I didn't want to be off doing what other 18 year olds were doing. And that is and was okay. I was put on this earth to be a mom.

Finding your way in this "grown up" world, with friends away at college can be hard. Or maybe you are still in college and have a little one or two at home. From experience I can tell you that the first year after I was out of high school was so hard for me emotionally. Luckily I had a few friends that would come see me or would still include me no matter what. Even when they were at school, I would get a text here or there.

This is where you separate your "real" friends from the rest. A real friend is perfectly ok just coming to your house and enjoying/tolerating your kids for awhile. A real friend understands that budgets are tight when you got wee ones and is ok with Big Boy;) Most of all a real friend will figure out a time to meet with you because you need a girls day/night. 

The problem was not just them though, it was me too. I couldn't, well really, just didn't know how to make the transition. The transition from being irresponsible to completely responsible for another life. I took it to the extreme. I didn't do much of anything but be a mom. 

REAL TALK, I was uncomfortable being a mom. Actually I was a SELF CONSCIOUS wife/mom/woman. What kind of mom was I going to be? What kind of mom did I want to be? What do I have in common with my friends? I can't even fit in my old clothes! They wouldn't even understand anything I am going through. Which that translated into me just kind of closing the door on friends. I wanted to do what they were doing, but knew I had different priorities and responsibilities to attend too.

I have been struggling with this for sometime, as I am sure some of you have or are. 

You still like to have a good time, but you can't just randomly pack up your kid at 9 o'clock at night to go to somewhere for some drinks or to hang. You can't pack up your kid at 9 at night for anything. My kids have been in bed for almost 2 hours at that point. You have to set dates and find a babysitter. 

Even harder for me was the "mommy guilt". It used to be really hard for me to be away from Jess and Jo. Well have one more kid and ask me how hard it was. Now that I have 3 it is like get me the heck out of here! haha! 

I had some of that right. But in the end I had to still do me. You adjust to being a mom and your friends adjust to it as well. I had to realize that it was OKAY for me to have fun. It was alright for me to leave Jo for a little bit. When I finally did this I realized I was a better mom when I got time to do what I wanted. 

Then once you get out, you have to let the "mom" in you go. And just have fun. Although I am awful at letting the mom in me go, I still can have a good time. I think anyone that has seen me out at any event, kid free, knows I can have a good time. That was hard for me to learn though.

Now when you see me out and about kid free I try to let go of the "mom" in me and just relax. Just go with the flow. Obviously my kids come up and I make the occasional (probably too many) mom jokes. Like when you go to a party and someone is like, "Just one more drink!" and you reply, "I have to wake up and be a mom tomorrow;)". I am a more confident mom. I know what I do is hard and I take pride in it. I now understand it is okay and people aren't judging me. 

I feel like social media is just a pain when it comes to being a young mom. You can sit there and get so caught up in the fact what other people your age are doing. 

If you are reading this and are the friend of a young mom, just a text would make their day. But even better don't think you have to have two lives. Mix them together;) Invite the mama out. Being a mom is tough! And when they say no the first 3 times keeping asking!!

1 comment:

  1. This is exactly how I feel! I don't think I've even gone out with friends without Addison once yet! I am glad I am not the only one who has gone through with this feeling!!

    Thanks for posting!
    -Dakota Spitzley


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