Confessions of a Single Mamma

For those who have not figured it out yet, I am a single mom now. I am not ready to share my story yet, someday tho. Time heals all wounds I hear, so we shall see.

I must say, I'm not totally convinced I am a true single mom yet because the rents are letting me live at their place until I get back on my feet. My mom babysits Roo while I am at work and between my mom, my two amazing sisters, my Pappa Bear, big O (the bro) I get all the help in the world! Seriously my family rocks.

This is not a pitty post at all. I am not here to rant on and on about how hard I work by myself to support me and Ruth or nor do I expect a pat on the back for being a full time student, work and a mommy at the same time. I made a choice to have the life I have and it's my responsibility to live it. If its anyone who deserves a pat on the back it's the moms who have kids and a husband or boyfriend on top of that. One man is like having 5 kids I swear. I don't know how you balance and take care of your kids, your husbands, and yourselves...

Instead I want this post to be reasons why I love and embrace being a single mom.

I love the fact that I feel I have a deeper and stronger connection/relationship with Roo since we just have each other. She's seriously all I have and I am most of all she's got, so I feel we have this relationship where I count on her and she counts on me. Weird I know because she's only one year old, but I swear it exists. For example, I'll cry and Ruth climbs on my lap and touches my tears and laughs (comforting I know lol).

I love the fact that I can give her all the attention I want. I can spend all day, all night, play outside for hours, cuddle at night in my bed whenever I want without worrying about not giving enough attention to anyone else.

This is still an ongoing learning process but I am starting to feel more confident in myself. I have to make decisions on my own and learn to solve problems on my own. I don't have to rely on anybody else when I make my life plan or year goals I can only rely on myself.

I currently and look forward to all the future personal time me and my Roo girl get. I have to admit some of my most favorite times are when Roo and I have the house to ourselves and just play outside or go shopping for the day. Or when we are driving down the road together blasting the radio and look back to see her clapping and laughing at me dancing like a fool.

All of these things make me feel really selfish at the same time because it makes me never want to fall in love ever again. Is that selfish?? I mean come on someone should be blessed with my presence right?! JK. But seriously, it makes me want to have it be just Ruthie and I our whole lives. I would love to not have to worry about anyone else but Ruthie and I. It just seems a whole lot easier that way. When I think about it, it just seems like no one or anything could ever hold us back. We could go shopping when we wanted, we could do absolutely nothing all day, hell we could go to Europe. I'm not sure if this is all because I am scared I'll get hurt again one day or if I'm still convinced all guys are the same. But honestly right now I can say it's just safer and easier to just have it be Ruthie and myself.