Wednesday, November 16, 2011

rain first

Everyone wants HAPPINESS, no one wants PAIN.
But you can't make a RAINBOW, without a little RAIN.

Inspiration and truth.

There are always going to be those things in life that knock you down. Or cause you pain. Each of us have a different thing that causes us pain. The last three weeks have been the hardest weeks for me to date. It beats all the crazy little things I have let get to me in the past. I have said this before and I believe it more today. . . when it rains, it pours. 

Life sometimes gets you down, honestly though, you can't sit down there to long and feel bad for yourself. You gotta take it in and get it out. Especially when you put everything you have into what you do, your heart breaks each time. This is what I do on here, to you. Yes, this is a little bit of a downer post. I am going to list a few things that just plain suck right now. (for some reason I feel like suck is a swear word...i think my mother used to yell at me for saying it or Anywho here is my sucky list.

Gatlyn is in the hospital
I feel like I have to make up for lost time with the girls.
my husband snoring next to me right now...uggghh
my sisters living a distance
that Rae hasn't been feeling the best
Andi gets upset when I leave to see Cowboy
I still have to pump...cowboy isn't even eating.
that i try to constantly give people the benefit of the doubt...even if they don't deserve it(right dad? nobody deserves anything)
that I can't fix everything
that i won't have my whole fambamily together until possibly March
seeing my baby in pain

Now on a positive note. Here is what I am thankful, happy about.

that gatlyn is here with us
I am with my girls and they are happy to be with me no matter how long I was out of comission
that i have faith
that I have a car
my husband is wonderful even if he snores.
Andi wants to be with me
I am able to give other children a source of nutrition (I donate my milk right now)
I tend to be forgiving
that God has a plan
I will get to be with my family in March(hopefully)
I can soothe my baby by singing horribly and holding a pacifier in his mouth for a hour:)

Notice how I was negative and then positive about each of the same things. I have no idea why I do this, but when I was typing out all the things I was mad about I would say the reason why it will help or why I should be thankful. I am strange...

Cowboy UPdate: 
Wee man is improving. He is very swollen, but, tonight he looked a teeny bit better than the night before. PTL!! He will be getting switched to a conventional ventilator soon. They are going to start weening him off his antibiotics soon as well! Hopefully the next couple weeks bring MAJOR improvement!

Put God first
You'll never be last.

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