Thursday, May 2, 2013

Do You Fight in Front of Your Kids?

Jess and I don't have a lot of screaming matches. But we definitely bicker a lot. We tend to do it in front of the kids. I don't let things go without talking them out, for the most part. I remember my parents fights, which consisted of mom ignoring dad. I want to show the kids how to work through things or out problems instead of ignoring the problem all together. (I am not sure how it was behind the scenes or anything but that is how I remember it.) But, we never saw how they resolved the problem. I want to show the kids that you can argue with someone and work through it then be cordial and the whole house does not have to be on edge for rest of the day.

I think if it is an issue of parenting then we tend to keep it away from the kids. I will bite my tongue until we are in a different room from them. I believe in keeping a united front for the kids. A lot of these  are more conversations than fighting. If Jess and I fight it is more me just upset about something little, that I have pushed aside. Which I personally have been trying to be better about. Honestly though, a lot of the bigger arguments aren't even about him. It is a lot about things happening around us.


Like Mal and Jesse, Tim and I and don't really get into a lot of screaming matches. Generally, we are the same page about important life changing decisions. That's not saying there haven't ever been any in the 8 years we've been together. I remember getting into one of those fights when Stella was a newborn. We didn't let her being there hold us back, after all she was a baby she wouldn't remember it anyway. But it did effect her that night. She got really upset, even after I had stopped crying, I had trouble getting her to calm down and go to sleep. Since then, if we need to hash something out that has the potential to get heated, we do it after she's gone to bed.

However we do bicker/get into little arguments quite a bit. I have no concerns about our kids seeing us bicker or argue. I think it's good for them to see that mom and dad don't always agree on things, but they still love each other. I also feel like Tim and I have a pretty healthy way of arguing. We don't be little each other, we listen to what each other has to say, and we generally verbally state our agreement/or agreement to disagree at the end of the conversation. I think these are all things that are important for our kids to see, so that they will learn there are respectful ways for people to argue.

Seems Mallorie and I handle fighting in front of our kids in much the same way. What are your thoughts on the subject?

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