Sunday, October 30, 2011


This post has been started a few times. I start it and read it back several times and I am not putting how I feel onto this "paper" very well. So this will be random thoughts that come into my head or. . . actually. . . yes I need to pray about this one-done. Ok, now for a restart.

Our pastor preached on battles today. Although the person behind me may have thought I was not paying attention, due to the fact my 2 adorable nieces were in church, I definitely was. He was talking about how everybody's battles are different. I was like ain't that the truth. So, I guess I am going to publicly put it out there. I am not dealing with this battle we are facing the best. It sucks, period. Te battle consists of me worrying (which I am usually a carefree person, so this is weird) and also I feel out of control (which I rarely am). But, the hardest thing in this battle-now typing this out maybe this is the real battle- is me admitting that I need help or am just struggling period. Me as in myself. I have not transitioned into being a full time mom again the best. It has been so tough. I tear up at the smallest of things and my patience are thin. People can say that I am doing great and am adjusting well-but-they aren't here daily. 

CURRENT BATTLE: Dealing with the fact that there is no perfect schedule, plan or way to handle what we are going through. I have been trying now for 21 days to figure out how to balance 2 cuties at home, 1 cowboy in the NICU, being a wife on top of it. That is just the relationship part. What about the cleaning, cooking part? (Just putting a disclaimer out there, I am typing from the heart I guess, I just feel I need to say these things) I pray daily sometimes hourly for my family to have peace and strength. I am missing something right now, I just don't know what. I will put it to prayer though. The big Guy will help me figure it out. 

COWBOY UPdate: (isn't that cute? cowboy!?) Gatlyn has an infection in or around his intestines. We need as many people praying possible. This little cowboy is just whipped, he physically is just depleted. We need him to keep up the good work. I know God just has his hands all over this boy, how could he not? Such a fighter. I was asked if I thought Gatlyn was a miracle baby. And anyone else wondering- HANDS DOWN this cowboy is a miracle. If God didn't have the right people/things in the right place at the right time where would we be? I am so thankful to have the reassurance I do from my faith and trust in God. 

God is amazing.

Since my husband came down awhile go asking me to come to bed, I must go. But, whoever needed to hear that they are not alone in their battles, I hope it helped. You aren't alone, everybody has them, and give it to the Big Guy upstairs. 


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